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The Empty Bun
Jan. 9th, 2005
11:43 pm - another sporadic post. . . FOR YOU
"Why am I doing this" you may ask. Well, I decided to get of the facebook train, and by that I mean, I am addicted, ADDICTED, and I have nothing better to do. I am going to beat this addiction just like caffeine! Alright, what I really mean is that my guilt is starting to reappear and I don't know for how much longer I can just stay at home and watch videos and DVDs. But it's so easy! I don't have to think about the world. I don't have to feel stress.
My sister still hasn't started her extended essay. It brought back many IB memories. I remembered for example, how useless IB is. I remembered how people were so competitive about it, and how we didn't want stupid people in IB. And then we would get mad when they did IB anyway. And in the end, our competing with each other was really the most stupid thing of all. I don't know why I procrastinate so much. And I don't know why anyone would choose to be in all the procrastinating groups on facebook. Do you think you really procrastinate more than the average person? I'm not sure I do. And wouldn't one group be sufficient. It gets the point across that you procrastinate. I think two or more is excessive. What do you hope to accomplish? Do you want to befriend all the procrastinators? Do you want me to believe that procrastinate a lot? Well, I guess I should just leave the poor people alone. This is America, and we can be in any facebook group we want.(And by we I mean all students in colleges or universities big enough to be included in facebook.)I think my favorite group right now, though I am not in any group, is the I WENT TO A PUBLIC HIGHSCHOOL SO SUCK A COCK group. It just reminds me of my freshman year seminar teacher who gave me that look for being from Indiana. Too bad he is not on facebook.
Jun. 17th, 2004
03:47 pm - At work
I'm on a break because my supervisor, Janina is too busy to give me something to do at the moment. I wish I had something better to write, but I think most of my thoughts today have been boring. I mean all of them.
My grandparents are flying in from Puerto Rico today. Actually they are probably already here. My mom is picking them up. And so we will join the rest of the family minus a few persons at my uncle's house to eat dinner with my grandparents. I miss my friends. However, it was nice to run into Lindsay yesterday at Barnes & Noble when I wasn't expecting to. May I randomly run into more of my friends in the future!
Call me or email me even. I'm bored.
May. 7th, 2004
12:09 am
I always feel inadequate when I begin to write these entries. It makes for pretty bad introductory sentences. My computer caught the Sasser virus, so I am in the computer lab. Today was a hot and sticky day, filled with my sneezing. I have so many pages to write, and I have two weeks to write them. Unfortunately, I am not a machine that churns out papers in mere days. Actually I can do that, I just haven't been getting pleasant results from my teachers after I turn them in. The main stairwell in the library was closed off tonight. I had to go up the south stairwell and I felt like I was in a completely differet place. This was not my Mudd, nor my A-level. WTF?
I shaved my legs in the shower just about twenty minutes ago; however, I now noticed a hairy patch along my front left calf. I'm going to try really hard to write better entries. But I think it best now, that I get some sleep.
May. 2nd, 2004
01:18 pm - Big Parade
Yesterday I marched in a parade. The parade celebrated nothing except the fun of having a parade. It is events like these, which make me cherish Oberlin and the people I'm with. It was so weird and fun! People have such a variety of talents here. Perhaps they are only talents which can be used in parades. Nonetheless, we had bagpipes in our parade! We also had colorful floats and people walking on stilts. There were live performances, and several bands. And all of it was for the community. Why don't we just pick arbitrary days to have parades more often?
Today I walked to Stevenson for lunch. It was cold and rainy. I really dislike cold rains. What I do like is to look at the reflections of the trees in the puddles. I ate both my bananna and my doughnut in slices today. I thoroughly enjoyed doing so. Now I'm going to work on an econ problem set. I wish that I had a fireplace to sit in front of right now. Then I could fall asleep on a blanket, and enjoy my lazy existence.
Apr. 6th, 2004
10:37 pm - Jolly Ranchers
In fifth grade jolly ranchers were like gold. Mrs. Stephens had a huge bag of them. The lemon ones were my favorite, and they still are. Everytime you did a favor for Mrs. Stephens she'd give you jolly ranchers. We also used to get homework passes. I used to think fifth grade was so hard. Today when I was in the Student Accounts Office obtaining one of my signatures, I came upon a basket full of jolly ranchers. I had to settle for cherry flavor, but I still felt special.
Jan. 15th, 2004
12:22 pm - He called it Dumbo.
I am writing from work to inform all who are interested that I have reached the part in my biography on Lyndon Johnson' genitals--or is it genetalia?
Dec. 7th, 2003
04:56 pm - Lazy Days
I just woke up in a sweat from a long nap. It's been a lazy day so far. I have my period and I don't feel like doing anything except crying. Oh my damn hormones! Why am I so emotional? However, it explains why I was exceptionally horny the other day. This weekend has been quite boring.
The only work I have done was in the aim of miraculously redeeming myself on the final of my American politics class, almost two weeks from today. I talked to my parents, who I missed greatly, because I had not talked with them in a few days. Oh, I found out that I will be able to get work for the month of January. My winter term project is going to be to read Lyndon Johnson, Master of the Senate, an 1100-page biography, one book of a trilogy, of LBJ of course. I figured when else would I read it? Probably never. (Sorry for the fragment.)I went to church today, and I liked it. I think I like being Catholic, at least sometimes. The familiarity is comforting. And we all need comfort sometimes, which is what the priest said in his homily. Well, I don't know what else to say.
Dec. 3rd, 2003
11:34 am - I'll show you some "goal-directed behavior" !
I meant to wake up early this morning but I kept on hitting my snooze button. Today in neuroscience, Professor Braford talked about the prefrontal cortex and how it is in part responsible for initiating goal-directed behavior. Something must be wrong with my prefrontal cortex, because I completely lack any motivation to stay awake in class. I don't know why either, since I take frequent naps. I think it's because I stressed myself out when I first came back to Oberlin so I'm still tired. I hate trying to stay awake in class. I wish at least that I could just let myself sleep in class. Then I wouldn't feel guilty for skipping, and I wouldn't ever need to skip again. Oh, Catholic Guilt, why do you torment me so? Maybe Jazzercise will wake me up instead.
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sleepyDec. 2nd, 2003
07:41 pm - Thanksgiving broke.
Well I'm sorry I suck. I haven't written in a long time it seems. I'd like to say that this will never happen again, but I may begin to update less. I'm not making any promises. So I am back at school. I couldn't write yesterday because I had a paper to write upon my return. It didn't turn out very well, but unless I had worked on it at least three weeks before yesterday, I couldn't have done better. I'm sorry I missed many of you Thanksgiving weekend. I wanted to see everyone and do everything, but it was short, and busy and I did hardly any of my homework which may not mean anything to you, but well I just mean I love you and I'm sorry. So today I took two thirty minute naps before and after my psychology class. Unfortunately they did not prevent me from nodding off in psyc. That lady talks to quietly! I miss home and I came back and interestingly I wasn't totally concerned with getting a boyfriend like I was for weeks before. We'll see how long this lasts. Hopefully it will last a while, but I saw the hot politics major again today. Well I have to go watch tv for my psyc class, but I'm just happy right now and feeling the post-paper haze.
Nov. 24th, 2003
12:43 am - Mari should go on more protests.
This is my theory: Mari and I are actually more productive when we are not around one another. Maybe I should revise that statement a little bit. Provided that Kristhyan is either not around or occupied by something else ( such as but not limited to his girlfriend, Karina), I in the absence of Mari am quite productive. I didn't get that much done, but I'm in a mood right now where I feel really productive. I did at least part of the homework assignments which I need to get done in the next few days, I cleaned my room, it smells incredible, and I began packing to come home for Thanksgiving. I went out dancing two nights this weekend without Mari or Kristhyan, which while I missed them, overall my mood was not drastically affected. I saw Gothika the other day. Is that how it's spelled? I keep on forgetting. It was pretty good. It scared me. I'm a wimp. At least it scared me until the end. Well I'm probably going to go to bed soon, but it's so rare that I feel this productive, that I just had to write about it. I feel satisfied with life right now. I'm not overflowing with joy, nothing is gushing, but right now I just feel content. I never realized how rarely I actually feel this way. Wow.
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contentNov. 5th, 2003
12:15 am - Calm the FUCK down
Today I voted in the city council elections, and they gave me a sticker. For lunch I had a premade turkey sandwhich with American cheese (the orange kind)on an onion roll and some french fries.
Mari just decided she should start her part-writing. I asked her for how long she intends to do this "part-writing" before we can go to bed. I thought she was going to listen to me as I read outloud what I was writing in my "lj". She just told me she is listening, and then she called me a whore. It's ok though, because I call her a bitch all the time.
I used to feel bad when I jokingly used the word bitch and directed it to one of my friends, but thankfully I no longer feel that guilt. My transformation to guilt-free use of the word "bitch" arose out of my new-found familiarity with the word "fuck". I told Mari how it is funny when someone says "Calm the Fuck Down" because obviously they are not calm if they are using the word "fuck". She thought it was funny, and now I tell her to "calm the fuck down" all the time for random things. For some weird reason I can now say "bitch" as well.
Nov. 3rd, 2003
08:28 pm - I found my earring!
Today was normal. I guess that is a good thing. I have so many normal days. I'm never satisfied I guess. I figure why can't they all be great or I guess normal days are better than bad days, and are necessary to make great days special. Well ok, I guess it all makes sense. Life makes sense to me now. One great thing happened today. I thought I lost my earring this morning so I retraced my steps exactly on my bike for twenty minutes but couldn't find it. Then this evening when I got home I found it on my floor. Now I have on a pair of Mari's earring which are very big and sexy.
Oct. 30th, 2003
11:24 pm - The Safest Sex Night
Tonight is safer sex night. I didn't go because I wanted to do work, but my neuroscience is soo boring right now, and I can't change that. This is why I am having the safest sex night ever, right now. I'm trying not to stress about the upcoming neuroscience test though. Will my stress really do me any good? Going with that thought, I decided today to skip my psychology class, eat a leisurely lunch, and take a nap this afternoon before I tutored econ for two hours. I don't know why I wanted to do that. I guess I felt honored that they thought I knew the intro econ stuff well enough to be a tutor. Next time I'll keep my honor and leave the job for someone else. Well, the neuroscience didn't go as well as I'd hoped tonight, nonetheless I'm going to go to sleep.
Oct. 29th, 2003
07:33 pm - I don't like the white splotchies! !
My throat has white splotchies on it. Eww! At least that explains my extra napping. Today has been busy though I'd be reluctant to say it was fun or interesting. It was just an ordinary day. I went to this lecture for my psyc class entitled "Love Hate Man Woman: Ambivalent Attitudes Toward Both Sexes Promote Gender Inequality". It was interesting, especially the part about benevolent sexism, which is a patronizing way of keeping women in their traditional gender roles, like when someone says women should be placed on a pedestal. Of course I knew all this stuff already being that I know Ali Ahmed. He's not so bad now, I accept some flaws in my friends. Yeah, most of the stuff the guy said made sense, but that doesn't mean I don't like guys to be my protector at times. I think it might just be my personality though. I'm not always as aggressive as I should be, but who knows, I guess I'm just promoting gender inequality by accepting this benevolent sexism. Well, I think I'll go put on my apron now and bake some cookies, while still in search for my future husband.
Oct. 28th, 2003
10:11 pm - My To Do List
I took two naps today. I like to call them precautionary measures. They are ensuring that I don't get a bad cold like the one my mom has right now. Really, my throat is a little sore. I am slowly reacclamating myself to my Oberlin environment. When I first got back I didn't really want to be here, but I really do like it. Jazzercise helped me also. I really can't imagine what my college life would be like if I just drank and partied every weekend, even if it was fun. I'm glad I have other options. I guess as Mari says, "My life is so hard. It's so hard to be an American."
So, instead of reading my neuroscience and trying to understanding a very dry and slightly incomprehensible explanation of alpha motor neurons and how they work with one's muscles, I decided to call Lindsay on my new cell phone. Now I can call lots of people, as long as I find the time. I have to write a to do list for tomorrow. I think I should put "Get a boyfriend" on my to do list. It wouldn't be an urgent task, it would just carry over from week to week till I accomplished it, the long term tasks I put on my to do list. I say this, because I just told Lindsay, I am horny. No, I don't want to have sex, but and I was really relieved when I believe Lindsay told me this, you don't have to want sex necessarily to be horny. I'm sure there are many things to keep me busy though, and most likely I'll enjoy these fun times. One particular event, Safer Sex Night is scheduled for this week. We'll see if it's fun. Justin Timberlake's songs are funny. I mean, the mofo is hot, and I would seriously consider ignoring my ideals of no sex before marriage if he sang to me, but goodness, his lyrics, they would probably hurt your souls, or at least make you laugh.
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lazyOct. 26th, 2003
09:18 pm - Sippin on gin and juice. . .
In this case it was jungle juice. I'm surprised I liked getting that drunk, that much. I'm not all about the drink though. Overall my break was good, I saw a lot of my friends in Valpo and I basically in some ways forgot about the bad parts of Oberlin at least for a little while. I'm not sure how I feel about being back here. I like it here, and I love my friends, especially my sexy roomate and neighbor. I'm just confused as usual. However school begins again, and so does my Oberlin life. Eventually my Oberlin life and my Valpo life have to come together to equal one right? I don't see how they will, but maybe, you never know.
Oct. 23rd, 2003
12:03 pm - I bought a CD and a magazine instead. . .
neither of which I needed. This little girl in Kohl's today was having a huge fit. I suddenly remembered why I don't want to have kids when I am twenty. It was pretty funny though,and the mom, goodness, she was so patient! I went to the bookstore today. I always get excited about reading when I go to the bookstore. I wish that enthusiasm carried over into the rest of my life. Then I could read books like my friends do. Then I'd be smart.
Oct. 22nd, 2003
09:36 pm - I think I liked it best when I got to be the nurse.
Sometimes, I really like my sisters. We just spent about an hour singing songs, kids songs, like songs I sang in preschool, and assorted songs from movies like Mary Poppins and the Wizard of Oz. While this behavior is quite juvenile, my sisters are still young, kind of, well I guess I have no excuse. It's so embarrassing, but obviously I don't care if I'm broadcasting it over the internet. Yes, I like Disney songs, and nursery rhymes, and I'm going to continue to sing them, so that when I have kids, I can teach them the songs. It makes me remember preschool. Now those were the days. We actually had playtime during the day, and the Farmer in the Dell, I loved that song. Everyone always wanted to get picked to go in the circle. No worries in preschool, except maybe if you peed in your pants for some reason; and we could paint on easels with brushes or with our fingers. Finger paints, those were great too!
I found a book on Lesbianism in my basement. I think it must have been my dad's but I could be wrong. I love how I find books like that down here. And I used to think that the stuff in our basement was worthless.
Oct. 21st, 2003
09:39 am - Fall Break: Day 4
I decided to abandon today's Oprah show featuring the most talented kids in the US. There was an earwig crawling on the basement floor. I hate earwigs!! I managed to beat the poor defenseless earwig down with a fly-swatter and scoop it up. Afterwards I jumped up and down, squeaked a little and cringed. I think I might have a dance party by myself today, while my family is away. Yes, I think that is a good idea.
apatheticOct. 19th, 2003
04:16 pm - Cheese ! !
Hmm, today is Sunday. I am bored. However yesterday I had the good fortune to see a lot of attractive people, and eat some tasty spreadable cheese. Today I slept a lot. It was soo nice. No sex dreams in my naps however. And I look so pretty today, but I have nowhere to go. Oh well. Lindsay and I yesterday were amazed by how we have mastered the concept of color-coordination since we went to college. We both looked so good. Then we ate the cheese. Sorry , I don't mean to mention the cheese so much, but it was really good. And you know what else is good? Bonfires, on creepy lakes at night are good. Also sex dreams. I am very tempted to call Mari and find out how her date went. If anything cool happens this week I'll update.
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